It's a Wonderful Triangular Life
by Glittering Pegasus
Summary: Everyone's favorite angel returns to help out another depressed CIA agent on Christmas Eve... (Sequel to It's a Wonderful Double Life) Last chapter finally uploaded... totally thought I'd done that months ago. lol
1. Silent Night

_A/N: Hey everyone! Remember waaaaay back in winter 2002 when I wrote a little holiday fic I like to call "It's a Wonderful Double Life"? Well I decided to write a sequel, complete with everyone's favorite sharp-tongued angel. She'll be around next chap. :-)_

_You don't really have to have read the first fic to follow this one, but I'd suggest it cause there's multiple references to it throughout this fic. _

_This is semi-AU. Since I wrote the first fic last year, S/V weren't together in the show yet but they got together in the fic. So just imagine that they got together about a month before they really did in the show, k? :-) _

_Disclaimer: Alias doesn't belong to me, nor does It's A Wonderful Life. _

Link to First Fic: 

**It's a Wonderful Triangular Life**

**Part One- Vaughn's POV**

There's a smile plastered on Sydney's face as she lifts the metallic purple ball out of the cracking orange crate. It's fake, I can tell. She thinks no one notices. She thinks I've forgotten how to read her emotions. She's wrong. 

I knew this was a bad idea the moment Lauren suggested it, but there wasn't much of a way I could protest and still keep myself out of hot water, a chance I've been treading the fine line of for weeks. 

But what could I have said? "No, Lauren. Sydney can't come over to have Christmas Eve dinner with us. I'm still in love with her and I'm afraid the festive air will foment me to act on it."  

Yeah, right. So I smiled a little and nodded. "Alright, Honey, that's a nice idea." And it was. It was a nice thought, a generous offer to a person who needed all the friends she could get this Christmas. An especially nice thought considering that she certainly isn't number one on Lauren's list. 

But I guess that's why she had the idea. The fact is, we all have to deal with each other. This situation we've all been tangled up in is going to last for who knows how much longer. Instead of avoiding it, we have to try to face it. And maybe, after lots of effort and baby steps, we can begin to stop just 'dealing' with it and start to accept it as just another normalcy. 

Easier said than done. Especially when I look up at the two women decorating the slowly brightening pine tree and I see a glowing, breathtaking, goddess on earth... and... my wife. How does that become 'just another normalcy'? 

"Lauren...Syd... I'm gonna go into my room for a little bit. I think there's a box of ornaments in there from a few years ago," I lie, my head starting to spin. 

They turn to me and stare. Lauren with surprise and concern, Sydney with suspicion and concern. Neither of them believe me. Hell, it was a lame excuse. I probably wouldn't have believed me. Either way, they don't pry. "...Alright," Lauren answers. And they turn back to their decorating work, attempting to see each other through the titles of 'ex' and 'wife' once again. 

I stand and walk slowly to my room, shutting the door behind me. Not knowing what provokes me to do so, I open my closet door and begin to rummage through the boxes and bags at the bottom. Finally, I pull out what I've been looking for. A faded red wrapped box, the paper duller but still igniting the slightest shine. 

I reach into the box and pull out two items. The first is a simple red card, neat and sharp words scrawled through the inside. The second is a childish plastic disco ball, the cord a bit thinned out. Gingerly, I touch the colored spots. Suddenly everything comes rushing back....

_ "Thanks," __Sydney__ says truthfully after taking my gift. She reaches into her own bag and hands me a red-wrapped gift. _

_"No you didn't, Syd." I hold up a hand. _

_"Just take it, Vaughn."_

_I oblige. Then I point to the other boxes lying in the now opened black carrier. "Francie and Will?"_

_"No," she shakes her head. "They got theirs. Those are for my parents."_

_I can feel a surprised expression cross my face.  _

_"I know," she agrees, comprehending what the look is about. "I was actually debating for a while whether or not I should give them to them. But lately I've been realizing... they are my parents and I wouldn't be here without them. And regardless of everything, I know they care about me."_

_I nod, accepting what she's saying but not entirely sure of what brought the change about. I decide not to wonder about it and change the subject instead. There's something I have to get out.  "Look, Syd, I know I don't really need to explain and you keep stopping me anyway. But I feel like I know so much about your personal life and I owe you that same knowledge. Alice and I... after we met at that party, we decided to just see if there was anything left. We went back to the way things were for a little while to see how it went._

_"I knew there was nothing left, so I planned on ending it a couple of months after it started. But then her father got sick, and I couldn't bring myself to cause her any more pain. But she turned out to be the one to do it, right after I got out of the hospital. When you saw us at the bar, we were there as friends."_

_"Why'd she end it?"_

_I shrug. "She knew we just weren't right together. She also said..." I stop suddenly, not sure if I should tell her the entire truth about __Alice__'s suspicions. _

_"What?"_

_"...Nothing. Just that 'Rita' must really care about me."_

_She smiles and places a hand on my arm. It tingles. "She was right."_

_I grin a little back, then remember the present. "So, aren't you going to open your gift?"_

_"Yes, and you?"___

_We reach for our gifts. She reads my card first and I swear I see tears glistening in her eyes. I pray it's because she likes it. As she takes the gifts out of the bag, I reach for the card that's with my gift. She looks up at me. _

_"Read it later," she requests. _

_I'm not sure why she wants that but I obey anyway and lift the top off the box. I pick out the two thin pieces of shiny paper from the top. Looking at them, I chuckle. "Coupons for Slush-Os?"_

_She shrugs. "They're delicious."_

_A surge of happiness washes over me when I realize she remembered that from so long ago, and I grin. Then I pull out the second gift. A small, plastic black fist-sized disco ball covered with multi-colored lights. I'm shocked.  "What... how did you..."_

_She smiles but doesn't answer. _

_Still looking down at the slightly strange object, I speak quietly. "When I was about 10 years old, these things were so in. I always wanted one but I never told anyone. For some reason, I thought they were too girlish. Like only a girl would want a flashing rainbow ball in their room. But, I mean, I grew up with only my mom and twin sister... it was hard to be totally boyish..." I stop, embarrassed when I realize I'm rambling. "How did you know, anyway?" _

_She grin. "Well apparently, you did tell one person..."_

_He laugh, understanding. "I'm going to kill Eric Weiss."_

_"Oh, don't blame him. I practically had to beat it out of him. Besides, you know you still wanted one."_

_"Well, maybe a little..." I say honestly, smiling. _

_There is silence as we both try to take in the moment. _

_Then __Sydney__ speaks up. "Anya."_

_I look up, surprised. "What?"_

_"Anya. That's your twin sister."_

_"Yes. How did you...?" I begin, then grin. "What else did Eric tell you?"_

_She shrugs, and somehow I get the feeling she's not telling me something. But I brush it off and stand up. _

_"Vaughn?" __Sydney__ asks as she pulls on the roller skates she'd brought with her. _

_"Yeah?"___

_She stands and skates back over to where I'm standing. "Did something ever happen to you that you can't explain? Something that defies logic and reason?"_

_I'm about to answer, but before I can get a word out the lights suddenly snap off with a whir. The plastic disco ball illuminates and begins to turn, casting the rainbow lights all around the walls. It's not even plugged in. _

_Alarmed, I place it down on the floor. I look back up at her. "Yes. Yes it has." I smile despite the complete oddness of the situation and reach my hand out to her. She takes it and we skate out to the rink. _

_Hand in hand, saying nothing, we glide around the smooth surface, the rainbow lights dancing around us. Suddenly, a real silver mirror ball hanging on the ceiling begins to turn, the white circles bouncing around the multi-hued ones, moving gracefully across our eyes. _

_I notice __Sydney__ smiling at something on the ceiling and winking a little. Maybe the lights are playing tricks on my eyes. We glide towards the very center of the rink, her leading, and stop just below the mirror ball._

_She points up to something directly above our heads and laughs. My eyes follow her hand and I see the shock of green leaves and red berries. I inhale deeply then look back down and our eyes lock. _

_"Merry Christmas, Michael," She whispers. _

_"Merry Christmas, Syd," I reply just before our lips touch. _

I have to clear my head... I can't stay in here much longer. The gingerbread scented candles are suddenly making me feel dizzy. I slowly return the items into the closet, back into the darkness which has engulfed the rest of my memories. I pause a moment, then pull the card out again. I don't want the words to have to be hidden again. 

"Michael, are you going to come help us...?" the soft voice of my wife fills my ears. I look up to find her in the doorway, and thrust the card behind my back. She's too quick, though. "What...? 

"It's nothing, Lauren." 

"It's not nothing. You had that look... that look that you used to get when we first starting dating. When you were thinking of her." 

I don't answer. Just put the card down slowly beside me. Lauren makes her way over and kneels before me, eyes stern. "Look, Michael... I know what she meant to you. And I can't forbid you to want to remember what you had... even if it makes me insane. But I also can't let you forget what we have now... I'm your wife, and I love you-" 

"I love you too," I say honestly, but knowing it's not all she wants. 

She nods. "I know. But sometimes I feel like it may not be enough... I'm not naive, Michael. I know that if that night had never happened, you wouldn't have given me a romantic thought when I met you. But that night did happen, and I don't want to lose what we have because you gained the opportunity to pretend it didn't." 

"Lauren-" 

"No, don't argue. I guess the point I want to make is just... please don't forget that you love me. I don't want to become 'The Other Woman' when I'm supposed to be your wife." 

"You won't," I tell her, trying to convince myself as well as her that it's not an empty promise. 

"Alright. Right now, though, it's Christmas Eve and I think we should just... be happy. Let's go back to Sydney in the living room and finish the tree." 

I nod, then hold back. "Actually, Lauren... I think I need some time alone. Just to clear my head. Is that okay?" 

She looks at me a moment, then nods. "Sure." 

I smile weakly at her then leave my room, stuffing the card in my pocket. Sydney turns and looks at me as I head to the door. Our eyes meet and I swear a set of multicolored Christmas lights appear flashing before us in midair, not the tree. I blink and look down as Lauren re-enters the room as well, and the lights disappear. "Bye," I say to the two of them, and exit the apartment into the chilly hallway. 

I descend the stairs, distraught thoughts swimming in my mind. 

What a terrific Christmas this is. A federal agency ready to arrest me as a fugitive, a strained marriage with a frustrated and unfairly treated wife, and an extremely depressed (though she hides in well) and lonely soul mate. 

It's times like these when I feel like everyone would be better off if I'd never even been born. 

***

A/N: Please review! Oh, and thanks a ton, Penny! ::hugs:: 


	2. Angels We Have Heard On High

A/N: Thanx so much to the readers so far... I'm glad you're enjoying it. Okay um a few things need to be said before you begin this chap:   
  
This chapter is from Kate's POV. Those of you who read the first know that Kate is the angel who helps Syd out w/ her problems. And you might also recall that she has a slight... um... attiude that people found comedic (i hope lol) last year. Part of that attitude is her... shall we call it 'outspokeness.'   
  
In order to keep that comedy going, I had to add in some things that might seem odd behavior for the conventional idea of an angel. She says and thinks some things that might be a little shocking for a celestial being, but *please* do not be offended! It is for comedic reasons only!   
  
I think Kevin Smith and the creaters of the movie _Dogma_ put it best in their disclaimer: "Although it'll go without saying ten minutes or so into these proceedings, ViewAskew would like to state that this film is — from start to finish — a work of comedic fantasy, not to be taken seriously.   
  
To insist that any of what follows is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss our intention and pass undue judgment; and passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone... Just remember, even God has a sense of humor - just look at the platypus."  
  
I think that describes the chap. that follows this note perfectly. So once again, I really don't mean to offend anyone! I pre-apoligize 47,000 times if I do! And now that I've pretty much written a Bible of my own (lol) I think we can go on to chapter two... enjoy, I hope!   
  
~Dani****

**It's a Wonderful Triangular Life Chapter Two~ "Angels We Have Heard On High"**

**Third Person POV**  
  
"Tonight's the night, Boss."  
  
"Aah… As to be expected. These things usually happen on around the Holidays. Who's on call, Joseph?"  
  
"Hmm... We've got Edward, William, Clara, and... Katherine. I'll be sure to get William on it immediately."   
  
"Actually Joseph, I'd like Katherine to take this one on."   
  
"Boss, are you sure? She's a bit... feisty."   
  
"She handled the woman last year just fine."   
  
"I know, Boss. But... if it's not too bold, Boss, I'd strongly suggest William. He's on call, and he _is_ the boy's father."   
  
"I'm sure about this, Joseph. She has her moments but she's the best for the job. Trust me on this one."   
  
"...Alright. You are The Almighty, after all."   
  
"Good. Now about William's incessant hockey babblings...."   
  
**Katherine's POV**  
  
"Kate, Dogma's on. You're missing it!" Holly calls from the cloud across from mine.   
  
"Seriously? Yes!" I exclaim. With a snap of my fingers, the sounds of John, Paul, George, and Ringo are silenced. I snap again and the image of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck at an airport shimmers in the air before me. True, the movie's about seven years old, but you just can't beat the Classics.   
  
Man, I can't wait till they're dead....Well. I can wait for Benny, but Matt... MMMMMM.... I wonder if it's too devilish to send the man a sudden heart attack....?  
  
"Kath-ER-rine!!" a different, shrill voice suddenly calls.  
  
Nevermind.  
  
I hate when people call me Katherine. "Yeeees?"  
  
"Report to The Boss immediately. You've got an assignment," Rachel informs me.   
  
"...Alright. Thanks," I reply, a little confused. An assignment on Christmas Eve? Again? Christmas Eve jobs are always very urgent and very desperate. I haven't had one in... how long? Three years? Yeah, about three years.   
  
That girl had problems -- not the kind you see in normal people; no, that girl had serious problems. I don't mean 'killing- vampires- with- wooden -sticks- except- when- I- accidentally- fall- in- love- with- them' problems. I mean some serious freaky bulls--t, 'no- one- deserves- this- crap' problems.   
  
I decide to stop wondering and go get my assignment.   
  
"Uh... Boss?" I speak up as I materialize before the Big G's cloud.   
  
"Merry Christmas, Kate."  
  
"Feliz Navidad, Boss."  
  
"I have a job for you."  
  
"Yes, Rachel told me. What is it?" I ask.   
  
An image of a man appears before me. "You are familiar with this man, if I recall?"  
  
I stare at the image. Yes, I am very familiar with him. He looks different: stress seems to weigh down his otherwise healthy form; more wrinkles have melted into his skin with worry and sadness; and his memorable deep green eyes seem filled with perpetual suffering. Still, I place him quickly. "Michael Vaughn. He was a co-worker, friend, and romantic interest to Sydney Bristow, the woman I was assigned to help three years ago."   
  
"Yes. You haven't been updated on his current situation, I assume?"  
  
"No, Boss. The last I saw, he and Sydney were _finally kissing for the first time under the mistletoe at Fisher's Skating Rink." I recall with a goofy grin and deep satisfaction.  
  
"Ah, I see. Well, one month after your interference in her life, SD-6 was destroyed. All went relatively well for about three months or so, then Sydney went missing and was presumed dead. She returned two years later, about three months ago, to find her life turned upside down and Michael married to this woman-"  
  
A blonde covered head floats beside Michael's image. My jaw drops. "Jesus, you are shitting me!" -- I am too flabbergasted to notice his disapproving grimace. "You're telling me Michael Vaughn gave up Sydney for... For that??"   
  
"Katherine! We do not speak ill of others. You know that." He adds in, "And we don't use that type of language."  
  
Yeah, yeah, sure. _We don't speak ill of others_ doesn't mean my mind isn't swimming with insults. First off, the eyebrows! Honey, if you're going to dye your hair, let it at least be a shade somewhat compatible with the eyebrows! And those teeth... I haven't seen an overbite like that since the male donkey Noah took on his ark!   
  
"Uh... Yeah. I apologize. But seriously, Boss. He got married? He and Sydney are... they're..."  
  
"They're soul mates. Yes, I'm well aware. I created them that way myself, remember? But I'm afraid they drew the short straw on this one. You see, when I came up with the concept of soul mates, I had to create some restraints to go with it. Everything must be at a balance."   
  
"F--k Newton."  
  
"Katherine, Please." Boss scolds in a parental manner. "There can be no bliss without despair, no victories without defeat. So I decided that soul mates -- two people who were literally put on the planet to find each other and share a love deeper than one could imagine -- had to be precious and rare. Ergo there is only one pair of them for every generation…"   
  
"…And Sydney and Vaughn are this generation. I know the story; that's exactly my point! If they're such precious gems, why break them?"   
  
"Honestly, Katherine, you must learn to listen before speaking. You'd think it would you'd be well versed after a millennium. As the fates would have it, this pair of soul mates is fated to suffer tedious and almost unbearable obstacles to reach each other and achieve their 'happily ever after.--'"  
  
"-- Has Lucifer been giving you drugs?"  
  
Boss looks at me sternly.   
  
"Sorry. Continue."   
  
Boss nods and does so. "There is, however, a balance, as I said before. When the obstacles have been defeated and these two people are together again, ultimately their 'happily ever after' will be more exuberant than any mortal could imagine. A reward, so to speak."   
  
Couldn't just let two people in two billion be happy, could we? I rapidly rejoin at the Big G, "OKAY... So this is just another obstacle. That's thoughtful, but um... one teeny, tiny question? How in -- your name -- do you expect they'll 'reunite' after this curve ball you've pelted at them? Because I can only think of one possibility and you of all immortals should be ashamed that it's even crossing my mind!"  
  
Boss stares off at something I don't quite see and smiles lightly. "There is always a way."  
  
What? Like Flood the entire earth? Kill the first born? Rain sulfur down? I'm silent at first, then let out a slow drawl. "Uh.... huh..."   
  
Boss snaps out of the trance and points at a pile of glistening disks. "Anyway, there's all you have to know about Michael Vaughn's predicaments in DVD form. Astounding concept, the DVD, really."  
  
I'm concerned with soul mates and he's concerned with DVD. I am starting to understand how the how predicament was orchestrated.  
  
"Quickly review them, and then proceed to Earth. Michael's problems, you see, have caused him to believe he should have never been born."   
  
I scoff. "What a familiar notion."   
  
"Indeed. I believe you know what to do, then."   
  
"Ten-Four," I reply, gathering the disks and returning to my cloud. "I'm on it, Boss."_

***

A/N: As always, thanks soooooo much to Penny for her brilliant and hilarious help with this. You rock, Penny!

  
  



	3. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

A/N: Hey guys... I know, I know. Christmas is over. But I just couldn't get this done in time... sorry! I'll try to make fast updates though. :-) Luv you! 

Thanx once more to Penny for the help. :-)

_It's a Wonderful Triangular Life Part Three__  
Vaughn POV_  
  
It's cold out here, seems way too cold for LA. Even in winter, or maybe I've just forgotten what warmth feels like.   
  
There are these memories I have sometimes. A little unnecessary to point it out I guess, though. I mean...everyone has memories.   
  
Well, almost everyone.   
  
_God Damn It. You're supposed to be clearing your head, not rolling in more fog._   
  
Oh, who was I trying to kid when I decided that? Four years of this is somewhat of a significant indicator that someway, somehow, I will always be thinking of Sydney Bristow.   
  
This brings me back to the memories.   
  
A particular one I have, almost five years old now, is what seems to be controlling my feet tonight.   
  
Somehow, in what seems too short a time to be humanly possible, I find myself standing outside a huge, empty train station. This place closed down after a horrible fire a year ago. The city worked on repairing it for about two months before deciding to completely rebuild a train station somewhere else. I forget why. When the first flame flickered, another piece of my heart went with it.   
  
It was just another memory scorched away; just another connection to her turned to ash and carried away with the wind. I used to feel like water was my worst enemy, after she drove her car off that bridge. After Taipei. But since then my emotion has changed. Water puts out fire. Water destroys my worst enemy.   
  
It doesn't feel like Christmas anymore, that's certain. As I leap over the wooden boundaries and luminous yellow "Off Limits" tape, I am strongly reminded of the not so long ago days and nights that I spent with only beer bottles and the night for company.   
  
Breaking and entering isn't a difficult task for me -- the abandoned train station is hardly the Vatican. I enter the half furnished building and my footsteps echo off the walls as I immediately head to the spot in my memories. I am surprised and relieved to find that the very same seats still sit there quietly, seeming almost eerily untouched by flame or time.   
  
**_Attention, passengers. "Pacific Surfliner" to _****_San Diego_****_ departing from platform five in fifteen minutes…_**  
  
I run my hand over the cool, worn leather. Voices from the images in my mind seem to reverberate around the walls and construction beams and race down the tracks, ricocheting back to me and hitting me full force.   
  
**_Hey. _****_  
  
Hi... how did you find me__?_  
  
I sit quietly, sinking into the cushioning and gripping the arm rest. I squeeze my eyes shut and concentrate as hard as I can on that day, those moments. Maybe if I think hard enough, I'll open my eyes and find this place bustling with people and hear Sydney's tear choked voice behind me, back in the days when we thought protocol would be our toughest obstacle.   
  
We were so stupid and so naive. Protocol is so easily defied. We demonstrated that so many times. And yet in the one situation our resistance to it would have resulted in our happiness, we took its easy defeat for granted.   
  
I wish CIA protocol was the only thing keeping us apart again.   
  
**_You told me a couple of months ago that when you feel the need to disappear, you go to the observatory. But the observatory was closed. And then I remembered you said the pier calms you down. But you weren't there. And you weren't at the bluffs and the palisades, either. _******_  
  
You didn't really go to all those places.  
  
Yeah, I did._  
  
"This place is closed, you know," a voice, a real female voice, suddenly rings out from the chair behind me, startling me out of my reverie. I jump up and grab the gun I carry with me out of my jack, swiveling around to find who the expected enemy.   
  
Instead, a young girl jumps up from the chair. She looks only fifteen or sixteen, with Chestnut colored waves frame her face, and her eyes shimmer a crystalline cerulean. "Careful where you point they thing, Hun. There are enough loose beams in here to rebuild St. Patrick Cathedral five times! I should know. I was there the day the first one opened... but anyway... let's just get cracking. I've got things to do, places to go, people to see."   
  
"W...what... who...?"  
  
"Sorry, did I startle you a little? There were other ways of getting your attention, I suppose. But at the time it seemed to be either this or tying myself to the train tracks and screaming bloody murder 'till you came to save me, but that seemed a little too Charlie Chaplin, don't you think? Plus, this way saved me one Hell of a migraine..."   
  
The girl's voice breaks off as she realizes that I'm still staring at her, dumbstruck, probably looking like Ferris after Jeanie saved him from Rooney.  
  
"Oh, Jeez. Didn't realize it would mean that much to you. So sorry to deprive you of you Knight-in-Shining-Armor-jollies." She quips, "Seriously, mate, stop staring. It's not very polite, Mr. Vaughn. I surmised your mother would have taught you better."   
  
I snap out of my trance. "How the hell do you know my name?!"  
  
"I think the correct question would be 'How in the heavens'."  **

"...Meaning...?" 

"Oh, Michael, you're a smart boy. Must I spell this out for you?" 

I stumble backwards and slump back into the chair. "Apparently." 

"Ugh. I was afraid of that. Alright... my name is Kate... by no means do you _ever _call me Katherine. I'm from a little place far, far away that some people call heaven, others call 'The Big Parking Lot in the Sky.' Not to be a drag to car fanatics but I usually go with the former. Ergo, I am an angel. And I'm here to help you." 


	4. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

A/N: Sorry it took so long and is so long after X-Mas. Stupid homework and projects and stuff. 

PS- I want it to be known that I am Jewish and not very religious Jewish at that- the Biblical references made in this chapter are the work of Pennylane. So any mistakes made, blame it on her. Lol. Jk, I love ya Penny :-P

Disclaimer- I don't own Alias or It's a Wonderful Life, and one would hope that you don't really think I wrote the Bible. Lol. I also will not take credit for the writing of "In My Life," as it belongs to four of the greatest names in music history. 

**Chapter Four**

Holy shit, I really am cracking. "Um... excuse me?"  
  
"Excuse you? No. I will not excuse your behavior." She parodies me. "Ooh… I wish I were never born. I have such a horrible life. Woe is me." 

She subsequently quips, "At least you don't live in Africa and are infected with AIDS! Look Hun, I've heard this rhetoric before. Actually, it's kind of my specialty. Now there are a lot of people, I'm sure you can think of a couple that fit this description, that have a right to think this. But you don't have this rite. Think of all the good you have done; think of what the life of your friends and family would be without you!"  
  
"Alright.... Okay. If your goal here is to sufficiently terrify me, you've succeeded. Now please, I'm going to try to stay calm about this, but please give me a clear explanation of who you are and what you're talking about," I try to remain calm, speaking in a clear, direct tone like they taught me to do with terrorists and potential threats when I first started with the Agency.  
  
"I already told you that," she sighs, exasperated. "I'm an Angel."  
  
 "You told me that already! And I want to know what the hell you mean!"  
  
"'What the hell I mean?' For the love of Boss, do you need it spelled out for you? A-N-G-E-L. If we want to get technical, I'm a member of the Cherubim Order of Angels, which is a fancy name for Guardians." She smiles and takes a seat next to me. "I specialize in "code red" cases. I've taken it upon myself to be your personal Guardian. So, naturally, with the events of tonight, I thought I'd pay you a visit."  
  
"You're my Guardian Angel?"  
  
"Yes, kind of like you are to Miss Bristow." She slyly responds. "Of course, every person in the world doesn't have their own personal Guardian Angel, because most people go through live without any need for divine intervention. However, I've been following you for a few years now."  
  
Holy s--t. "Oh my God. You're f--king insane! You've been stalking me?!"  
  
She laughs, I mean, really laughs. She is laughing at me and she is supposed to be my Guardian Angel. I don't this is a laughing matter. "You sound like I've been watching you in the shower. No. I am not that type of Angel. Grant it, I know a few like that. I hadn't updated your case in about two years. I haven't been 'stalking' you. Trust me, if I was to be 'stalking' anyone, it would be a certain American living in France..."  
  
"Okay. Can I ask why have you been watching me _at all_?"  
  
"Because, I'm your Guardian Angel, Silly; it's my job. I am here now, because you and Miss Bristow are Soul Mates. Thus, part of my job is to ensure that you remain... mated. You made my life easier by doing my job for me. However, something went wrong. God played nasty trick, and now I am here to fix Boss's quagmire."  
  
Whoa. "What do you mean Miss Bristow and I are Soul Mates? That's just a theory created by novelists and greeting card writers."  
  
"No, it's not. Soul Mates are very real, and very rare. It's a privilege to be your generation's Soul Mates. It's something we take a lot of pride in the Kingdom Come."  
  
"I wouldn't know. Any desire to clarify?"  
  
She quotes the first book of Genesis, Chapter Two, to me. "Then the LORD Yahweh said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.... So the LORD Yahweh caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the LORD Yahweh had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."   
  
She pauses letting the Old Testament's poetry seep into me. "Even though Adam and Eve disobeyed Boss, he still loved them. As homage to the mortal Mother and Father, unto each generation a pair of, what you morals call, Soul Mates is born. Boss crafts a man, and from his rib, he crafts a woman. The pair is connected for eternity; it is their destiny. This practice has been happening since the dawn of time, and will happen until the end of existence. Do you understand or do you need further clarification?"  
  
Suddenly, I feel the need to spit her sarcasm back at her. "No, no, no, I get it perfectly. Sydney is my rib. Complimentary, really, knowing she could easily snap all of mine in two. I have the privilege of being the one man in a century to have an ex girlfriend made out of a bone. So who else got this honor? Romeo and Juliet?"  
  
"You mock me."  
  
" 'Don't throw stones when your windows are glass.' Doesn't it say that in the Bible somewhere?"  
  
"The Bible says a lot of things."  
  
"One would hope. It's the history and future of our entire race. But I was partially serious before. Enlighten me, just whose footsteps are Sydney and I following? I need some context here if I'm going to understand the magnanimity of what you're telling me."  
  
"Well... Mr. History Buff, you should know that Romeo and Juliet are fictionalized. Soul Mates take form in every way possible. Some do great things, some live normal, blissful lives. But, if you want a name, you know John Adams?"  
  
"Not personally."  
  
She smirks. "I should hope not. I've been afraid if you claimed you did. However, I meant, do you know of him."  
  
"He was our president, circa 1800."  
  
"Tsk Tsk, Mr. Vaughn, he was our second president from 1797 to 1801." She is such a smart-ass. "He also was married to a lovely woman, Abigail, who was his Soul Mate."  
  
I've always hated American History. "Ok... well they stayed together, didn't they? No big f--k up in their bliss. Last I heard she stayed conscious long enough for him to not marry someone else. I used to think Syd and I were... meant to be, in a sense, but I guess I was wrong. I think you've got the wrong ribcage, God doesn't make mistakes like this."   
  
She sighs again. She is really beginning to get on my last nerve. "Oy vei. I will agree with you. Boss lost his mind with this one, but it was your decision to marry. You should have known better. You should have known she was alive. Don't blame God for your folly."   
  
She huffs in a tiss. "And.... Where the hell do you come off saying 'No big f--k up in their bliss'? You should take a closer look at John and Abby, my dear. You might be inspired by how much 'f--k ups' they went through to be happy. Did you know they were separated for FIFTEEN years of their marriage together? Did you know that when John was gone Abigail suffered from severe depression? However, both of them sacrificed their total bliss to better your country! Don't take history son lightly, my dear." She shakes her head. "No f--k ups, my ass."  
  
"Alright! Sorry! I just... This isn't the kind of thing that happens everyday. I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm sorry if that's a surprising concept for you."  
  
"Okay. Fine. You are forgiven."  
  
I pause, a question that had been brewing inside me beginning to rise over the surface. "...Can I ask you something? Free of sarcasm?"  
  
She seems to almost soften a little. "Yes."  
  
"Do these... Soul Mates... ever not find each other?"  
  
She smiles, but doesn't answer.  
  
"Do they ever die apart?" I ask after another pause.  
  
"Don't worry, Hun, you and Sydney are not going to break any records."  
  
I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I choose to let it go and I nod slowly, looking down at my feet and picking at a piece of pealing leather on the chair's armrest. "So... you had a lesson to teach me or something?"  
  
She chuckles. "Or something. You're a smart lad. I am surprised you haven't figured it out yourself."  
  
"Sorry, I've been a just a little distracted."  
  
"Uh- huh."  
  
"So... what is it?"  
  
"What is what?"  
  
"The lesson."  
  
"What subject do you want to be enlightened in?"  
  
Alright, I've had quite enough of this for one insane evening. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE? Look, I get that you want to show me that 'I matter,' yada, yada, yada. But what I don't know is: how the hell to you expect to do that? I'm still drawing a blank here."  
  
She shrugs. "I don't know either, Hun. Everyone one is different; I still haven't figured out with you. I suppose I'll just have to play the whole 'show you life without you' game again."   
  
My ears perk up. She said that with too much... too much of something I can't quite place in her tone. And suddenly, everything pops into place. "Again?"  
  
Katherine bites her lip. "Again, yes, of course again. I mean do you honestly believe you were the first person to wish they'd never been born?"  
  
I shake my head. "You didn't say it in that context. You've recently done this before with someone connected to me, haven't you?" I begin to think out loud.  "It makes sense now. Why else would you want to watch me for all those years? I mean, according to you Sydney and I are a precious commodity where you come from, but how'd we become such a concern for you personally?"  
  
Her eyes dart down, "Because, as I said before, in the Kingdom Come we take our Soul Mates seriously."  
  
"Still... why you? Why are you playing my Guardian? Why is it your specialty to help people like me? Millions of people have died and presumably gone to heaven. Anyone could be helping me. Hell, my father could be helping me, which would make more sense. Unless... you've had experience in my area specifically. Have you helped Soul Mates with this before? John or Abigail? Is that why you feel so strongly about them?"  
  
"Well, first off, I believe they are the archetype for a near-perfect marriage; and they are exceedingly important figures in our countries history; and they were dear friends."  
  
It's all flying into place, and I know she's trying to steer me away from it. "You didn't answer my question. You said yourself I'm smart lad. Don't f--k with me."  
  
"I did answer your question. You asked why I feel so strongly about Abigail and John."  
  
"That's not all I asked."  
  
"No, that is what you asked."  
  
I sigh. "It is but I also asked..." 

Suddenly, memories of that last Christmas with Sydney hit me full force. 

_*~"Those are for my parents...I was actually debating for a while whether or not I should give them to them. But lately I've been realizing... they are my parents and I wouldn't be here without them. And regardless of everything, I know they care about me."~*_

_----_

_*~"Anya."  
  
 "What?"  
  
"Anya. That's your twin sister."  
  
"Yes. How did you... What else did Eric tell you?"~*_

_----_

_*~"Did something ever happen to you that you can't explain? Something that defies logic and reason?"  
  
Before he can get a word out, the lights suddenly snap off with a whir. The plastic disco ball illuminates and begins to turn, casting the rainbow lights all around the walls. It's not even plugged in.   
  
Alarmed, I place it down on the floor and look back up at her. "Yes. Yes it has."~*_

_----_

_*~Vaughn,  
  
_

_Last night I was at my lowest, my most depressed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be living anymore. But against the offer you made me when we first met, I ignored the fact that I have your number. You see, for those dark moments last night, just those moments but still for far too long, I doubted the strength of our relationship.   
  
That was stupid and I'm sorry. You've been there for me every time I needed you, and for that I'm deeply grateful. It was wrong of me, even for a second, to think that what we have is in illusion.   
  
I need you in my life, and I care about you more than you'll ever know. What we have, the things we share... it's one of the most important things I have in my life right now and I want you to know that. I don't know how I would have ever gotten this far without you.   
  
So again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Merry Christmas, you deserve the best one anyone could have.   
  
All my love,   
~SB~*_

_----___

And everything... I mean _everything is so abruptly clear... suddenly, I know exactly what happened. My stomach rushes to my throat, "Oh my God. It was Sydney, wasn't it? That Christmas the year we got together.... All the things she knew about me... the card... oh my God."  
  
"Don't use the Lord's name in vain."  
  
"Don't preach the Commandments to me! I'm right, aren't I? Sydney went through this. You helped her. You made her realize how much she mattered." I feel queasy. If I wasn't sitting, my legs would give way, "Oh my... how did I not realize? Why didn't I help her?"  
  
She remains dedicated to her goal of evading my suspicions but she knows she's trapped. "Those, Hun, are rhetorical questions I can't answer."  
  
I have to hear her say it, "Please, just tell me. Did you come to Sydney on Christmas three years ago? Did she wish she were never born? Did she honestly think I... we... we all could live without her?"  
  
She sighs, looks down, looks at me again. Stares for a moment or two, then speaks. "Yes. I came to her three Christmases ago. She was at the Pier, and she was seriously thinking about selfishly throwing away God's greatest gift."  
  
Tears are brimming to the surface, searing. My heart is pounding and my throat suddenly feels choked. "She... she was going to jump. She was going to kill herself. Oh my... why didn't she come to me? I could have helped her. I could have... she almost died that night. She... thank you. You saved her life. Thank you."  
  
"I didn't do anything. She came to her senses only after she discovered what your life would have been without her."  
  
I gasp. "She... she did? I mattered that much to her?"  
  
She places a comforting hand on my upper arm. Her fingers feel like warm static electricity from a TV after it's on for a while. "Hun, you are her Soul Mate. You are the only thing that matters to her; and she is the only thing that matters to you. It's how you're built."  
  
I sniffle and try to regain my composure. Or what little I had of it before, anyway. "She... she's not the __only thing that matters to me..."  
  
"No, I suppose you're right."  
  
I don't know why I want so badly to disprove her belief. I suppose it scares me to think that I really could have lost all that Kate is saying Sydney and I are. "Well then there's further proof. We can't be Soul Mates. You said they're built to only care about each other."  
  
What she says next shocks me possibly more than any other answer she could have given me. "'But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compare with you. And these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new. Though I know I'll never loose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. But in my life, I love you more.'" _

"The Beatles," I state, pointing out what is obviously clear to her.   
  
"Good to see you know your music, even if you don't have a clue about the history of your county. Anyway, point being, those are extremely wise words that you should be able to clearly relate to. For it would be no fun to go through the world only caring about one person. Sydney cares deeply about her father, and her mother, and her friend, Will, this is all true. But when push comes to shove, her affections for them don't amount to a hill bean in this crazy world, when it comes to what she feels, and how far she would go for you. Now, is this that a more accurate description of your feelings toward Miss Bristow?"  
  
I almost automatically say yes, then pause. "I'm married. My wife should be my first priority."  
  
She scoffs. "Yes, you did make a mockery of the sacred vows, didn't you? Key words, Mr. Vaughn: 'Should be.'"  
  


After all she's putting me through, I cannot let her grasp at this last straw, "Mockery! I love Lauren! Don't think you can just fly down here and question that!"  
  
Katherine shivers, thrown off by Lauren's name as if I'd said something very vulgar to her. "Don't speak her name in my presence."  
  
"What exactly do you have against my wife?"  
  
Katherine looks horrified. "Other than her eyebrows, turtlenecks in Los Angeles, and her inability to show emotion, you said it yourself, Hun."My Wife." Right there! Penalty on the play! She is not your wife, she is an obstacle. And she is making my formerly trouble-free job a pain in the ass."  
  
Anger courses through me. She's gone too far, and I'm going to put her in her place. "Alright, look- I will _not have you come down here and insult the woman I am married to! You don't even _know _her! All you know is that she made _your_ perfect little paradise a little bit stressful. Well you know what? Welcome to the real world, _'Hun!'_" Whew. Glad I got that out.   
  
But Katherine doesn't even seem phased by my sudden outburst. She just looks closely at me, then a thoughtful expression overtakes her features. "Of course... I actually don't believe you are technically married... Because, every marriage has to be approved by Boss, and thankfully we're not on a twenty-four hour day, because he'd never get it done. I don't believe he approved his... I mean... "_

 Katherine snaps her fingers and a giant book appears in her lap; she begins to thumb through it. "Why would he... If he knew what was going on, he would have called me to talk some sense into you.... When were you married again? April 1st, right?...."  
  
"What are you doing?"   
  
"Nope... You never mind... It's July 1st. Let's see... Let's see... Vail, Valley, Vance, Vanhorn, Vaniotis, Varrier, Vassar.... Nope, I don't see your name on the list. You're not married. I'm sorry. Now, go home; quick like a bunny and get a "divorce." ...However, I don't think this is exactly what Boss had in mind when he said I would find a way. He said a way, not find a loophole."  
  
I am so utterly confused. My head begins to pound. I squeeze my eyes shut and bring my hands to my forehead, shaking my head. "I. Am. Married. To. Lauren. Reed." Pause. "I. Love. Her."  
  
"Do. You. Really? You seem like you are trying to convince not only me, but yourself."  
  
She's right. But there's no way in hell I'm letting her know that. "I won't argue this with you."  
  
She shrugs again, brushing it off. I'm beginning to hate when she does that already. "Fine. Fine. Go back to your superficial life, with your superficial wife, and superficial happiness."  
  
"Can we get on with this please?" I ask, frustrated beyond reason with this whole ridiculous fiasco.   
  
"Sure... Your current life is right through those doors." Katherine points. "Quick like a bunny, Hun. We can't 'get on with this' until you get off your high horse and come to your senses."  
  
I stare incredulously at the place she's gesturing to. "Through those doors? Those doors only lead to a ticket office."  
  
"No, they lead to your closet, which leads back to your room, and your house. If you don't believe me, take a look."  
  
I sigh. "Fine. Whatever's there can't be worse than what I'm living with now."

She smiles a smile that makes me shiver, suddenly getting the feeling that she knows much, much more than I do about absolutely everything. "Whatever you say, Vaughny." 

And she gets up, holding out a hand to help me stand. We stagger over the rubble to the door. Taking a deep breath, I open it and darkness engulfs me. 

***

A/N: I know, horrible place to leave you at. I'll update soon though, or I'll try to. We're gonna have fun with poor 'Vaughny.' :-D


	5. Blue Christmas

**A/N: Well, it's been a while. But behold! An update! Yaaaay! **

**Chapter Five "Blue Christmas"**

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. I smell leather and the after scent of dry-cleaning. I blink but only faint outlines are visible. I try to take a step forward and fabrics slap my face as I do. "Kate," I mutter, "We're in a closet."

"I'm not a liar." She opens the door and I follow her out of the closet.

I glance around the bedroom we have entered. It is familiar and yet strange. It is recognizable and yet somehow altered. "This is... this is Lauren's and my room. It looks exactly the same as I left it. What the hell are you trying to pull?"

"You said, you wanted to go home and that summing up your words, you didn't want to be around me anymore. So, I let you come home."

She smiles at me, "But I stuck around, because your forehead wrinkles are just so adorable. Why, I couldn't give those up without a fight." She winks at me and I want to... kick her.

I glare at her then step around her and walk slowly to the door of the bedroom leading back into the living room. I expect to see Sydney and Lauren there as I had left them, making awkward conversation as they dangle little glass bells off the pine needles.

I see Lauren sitting on the couch, but Sydney is nowhere to be found. A fire is crackling in the fireplace. Lauren and I never use the fireplace.

"Where's Sydney?" I ask Kate. "And why is the Christmas tree on the other side of the room?"

"A-Ha! Not, see, 'look, here is my beautiful wife and our beautiful home'. No, the first question on your mind is, 'Where's Sydney?' "

After mentally shooting myself for my blunder, I quickly make a recovery attempt. "I... no! I just... why would I comment about something that's the same?"

"Smooth, Hun. I see why you are considered the CIA's best." Kate says as she goes for a handful of Hershey's Kisses Lauren put on the table.

"Are you crazy?! She'll see you!" I exclaim, choosing to ignore her commentary.

"Even if she could, like I care. I could take her, and twice on the Sabbath. That... insufferable...." Kate shudders and pops two Kisses in her mouth. "I told you to stop insulting my wife." I demand. "And, what do you mean 'if she could'? She can't see us?"

"Pointing out character flaws isn't insulting -- it's calling the kettle black." Kate says. "Yes, you had to be like your Soul Mate and not want to be born. So, you are not born, and that is not your wife," I know she has a song in her heart when she says, "Which technically means I can insult her all I want!" "You-" I stop short in my sentence when a tall, medium dark skinned man enters the room and leans down to give Lauren a peck on the cheek. He looks eerily like- "Craig?!"

"Goody. Now the fun begins." Kate remarks. "Sweetie, where did you say the present for your family was?" Craig calls over his shoulder has he begins to walk down the hall.

I freeze. "He just called her 'sweetie.'"

Before Kate can example, Lauren emerges. "Darling, I told you they are in the car! I don't want them in the house, because you know the kids. They will find them and open them if we put them out."

"And she just called him Darling." Kate says back to me.

I stumble into an empty armchair where my TV used to be. "The... the kids? Were they talking about kids?"

"Craig's sister's children. But...." Kate points to Lauren's belly and says no more.

Now I am starting to panic. "Craig and Lauren are living in my house. They are using pet names. And Lauren is pregnant. If I don't exist, Craig marries Lauren? Why the fuck would Craig marry Lauren?"

I stop, realizing I've slipped yet again. "I mean, not that someone wouldn't want to marry her, but, why Craig?"

Kate just smirks That Smirk.

"No, Hun, you had the question right the first time."

"But, if you must know." She goes into her professor tone of voice. "Both of them work for the CIA, and they meet in the coffee room one day, and they hit it off, and they took long walks on the beach, and had wild and kinky, slightly S&M sex, and they feel in love and got married, now both a live happy, happy life."

"I... I really... really... didn't need an explanation that in depth," I say, trying to wrap my mind around the concept. "Really. A simple 'they shared common interests' would have done perfectly well as an explanation."

"Aw, but don't you want to know how your darling, dearest, lovely, sweet wife, you claim to adore so much, managed to find happiness with another man?" She continues to eat the Kisses.

"Well... if I really never existed, it's not like she could be pained by the fact that she's not with me."

"Or it means your existence doesn't affect her life."

I almost slap her. Something stops me. "That's ridiculous."

"No, it's not. Look at this speculate, Vaughn. She is happy. Can you imagine Sydney being happy without you?"Sydney would have been happy without me," I insist honestly. "She was happy with Noah, and then with Danny, long before she knew I existed."

"Was she happy when Noah dumped her flat? Was she happy lying to Danny day in and day out?"

"Was she happy when she returned from the most horrible ordeal of her life to find that the only person she thought she could count on had betrayed her?"

"Aaah!! --- The only person she could count on -- now you're getting the hang of it."

"I said, thought she could count on."

"Oh, please. Will you give yourself just a little credit? Who got her out of the country? Who helped break her out of NSC custody? Who was consistently there for her whenever she needed someone -- despite being married?" "Who promised to keep her safe no matter what and ended up leaving her alone in her house with the enemy? Who treated her like crap just for their own selfish need to stop feeling guilty about being disloyal to their wife? Who told her she was the only one they would ever really love, and kissed her, then ran back to their wife that evening? Who raised her hopes up again and again and again only to be the one to send them crashing to hell once more?"

"You did what you could; as much as you could do with your foolish mortal sense of loyalty. And you can't blame yourself for what happened to her. It wasn't your fault, or any mortals. It was ours. We fucked up; we let the previous soul mates be too happy, so we had to balance it out by destroying yours. And I'm sorry. Okay. But, if I hear you doubt your commitment, devotion, or love for Sydney one more time, I will show you what Hell truly looks like."

Craig and Lauren reunite on the couch and lean in to kiss each other. I feel sick. "Can we get out of here? I've seen enough."

"So, you ready to go back to Sydney now?" She asks, as she fills her pockets with chocolate."Not quite. Lauren isn't the only important person in my life, you know. And quite frankly, seeing her happily married to one of my drinking buddies isn't a strong persuasion tool for me to go by. She's much happier without me, why destroy that?"

"Exactly! She is happier without you and you are happier without her! Can't you just accept that fact and move on with your lives?"

Vaughn doesn't have an answer and she grows impatient. "Sydney is your Soul Mate! Why does that scare you? You are meant to be with her! If you aren't, you can throw the entirety of existence off balance!"

"I'm not going to throw my wife out on the street because some crack head angel with an overwrought chocolate addiction tells me that being with another woman will save the universe!"

"First you ungrateful, selfish, prat, look at your 'wife'! Look at how happy she is with another man! And Second, You just don't get it, do you? You and Sydney are destined to be together! You have to be, because your existence gives other hope. People search every single day for their Soul Mate, which they will never find. However, as long as the notion exists people can believe, and people can have hope. What will happen if suddenly the notion people can find true, unadulterated love ceases to exist? What then, you selfish fucker."

"I don't know," I answer quietly. "I'm sorry. It's just, what you're telling me isn't exactly easy to fathom."

"I'm sorry for my outburst, but, it is something you _have_ to fathom."

I don't know how to answer. "So, what happens to everyone else? They're all happily married too? Did Weiss maybe marry Sydney? Alice and Haladki, Irina and Will?"

"No...." Kate smiles. "Whose fate do you want to see next?

"Surprise me."

Kate snaps her fingers, and everything goes dark again.

The darkness settles quickly, fading softly until I can clearly see where I stand. I'm in a large, open field. I'm surrounded by grass, or something that resembles grass. It's tinged an odd color, like the color of a sidewalk darkened by rain. The sky has an ill yellow glow to it, and even the air all around us fills me with an eerie dread. It seems to ripple and swirl, as though I'm looking past a gasoline explosion.

I recognize the place instantly as my my gaze falls upon rows and rows of white headstones.

"Arlington? What are we doing in Arlington Kate?"

"Gorgeous isn't it, considering what it is. You know, if we just hike over that hill we could see Jack's grave -- " He cuts her off.

"Jack. Jack Bristow."

"No. Jack Kennedy, I love the view from his grave. However, if you want to see pay your respects to Jack Bristow than you'll have to walk down this road about half a mile; take a right; and count off 23 gravestones."

I shake my head, almost laughing at her audacity. "No, no fucking way. Jack Bristow? Dead?"

"We all die, Vaughn."

"Jack wasn't dead on the other side of the door," I point how, waving my hand towards the now vacant area we'd first stepped in through.

"You were alive. Remember, you wished you have never been born, so, here we are. You don't exist and Jack is dead."

"What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? Jack took care of himself a good long time before I was even born."

"True, but all it takes is one moment to change a life; and once Sydney became a part of Jack's life again, the rules changed. And you can figure out the rest."

I can? Maybe it's just the effect of whatever kind of angel voodoo Kate used to get me here, but my head feels like a cement block and I'm completely drawing a blank as to where the too ends meet. "Um, right."

"A father's sacrifice, Vaughn." She drops her smart-ass tone and begins to walk away from me. I follow her because, what the hell else am I suppose to do? "Jack made certain sacrifices for Sydney; and one of them cost him his life."

I'm about to open my mouth to reply, with what exactly, I'm not quite sure. But before my vocal chords can vibrate, I find myself stumbling, almost pitching forward. I look down at the gravestone in my path and almost scream at the sight of the inscription.

_Never was there a friend as prepared_

_To lend a hand or a chocolate éclair.  
ERIC D. WEISS  
1968-2002 _

I lean down and almost smile. Weiss would love that epitaph. He always thought they should be more comical. 'Why add more depression to death? If you have to be six feet under, might as well give the world something written to laugh about.'  
"How... how?"

"You know… the Old Amphitheater is down the road, it's gorgeous at sunset; I think we...."

"Kate, did you bring me here for a reason or not?"

"Other than it's one of my favorite places on Earth, yes. I did. But you know Jack and Eric are dead; that's nothing I can do to change that, so, it doesn't matter how; right."

Had she frustrated Sydney this much? "Kate. If you want me to learn anything about why my existence is so important, I need to know why it let people I care about stay alive. I need..." I know what I need, but I don't know if I have the guts to go through with it. "I need you to show me how they died."

"Jack died for his daughter. And Eric died by an ice pick. Remember Noah?"

"Of course I remember Noah."

She laughs at me, resting the urge to smirk. Damn her. "You weren't born, so you weren't CIA, so you weren't Sydney's handler. Eric was. He wasn't as thorough as you, despite his abilities. And one mission, he was tracking the Snowman because the CIA believed he had a contract out on Sydney's life. The plan backfired and Eric... well Eric didn't survive and they realized he was the handler for a mole inside SD-6. However, Eric didn't give up Sydney's name; and when all else failed, Jack took the fall for Sydney. And now you know how they died."

A sense of familiarity washes over me as I listen to the story of how my best friend and who, crazily enough, I wished to be my father-in-law, died. I shake it off, though, and face Kate again. "So, you're telling me... that my best friend, one of the most intelligent people I know, and Sydney's father, one of the strongest people I know... died a horrible death just because I wasn't around?"

"You were not Sydney's handler. So, yes."

"This is insane."

"No. That's the power of Soul Mates. You could just accept it all now and we'd both get home in time to catch the Family Christmas Special on ABC."

I shoot her a glare. She shrugs. "Anyway, I suppose you'd like to know what happened to Alice, too?"

"Alright."

"The night you met her, you were at a bar. You approached her and bought her a drink, and the two of you talked for an hour before she gave you her number."

"Yeah, so?"

"What I bet you didn't realize is that you weren't the only one who had their eyes on Alice that night. The other man just happened to be a now convicted rapist and murderer whose intentions you inadvertently ruined."

I start. "No. No, that's impossible."

"Is it? Because, if you want, I could show you the mug shots or the newspaper clippings or even the crime scene photos."

"That's… that's alright…" I answer, shuddering.

It seems far too incredible. I've always known that empathy is both one of my strengths and weaknesses, but I never could have imagined that so many people were affected by it. I hate to admit it to myself, but maybe Kate is right.

Maybe I belong in the place I am in life. Maybe my presence really does matter….

My mind seems to be set. I can't accept life this way. Not... not when there is no life. When everyone around me is dead. If I had the effect on all these people, my friends, my family, my co-workers... my enemies... I can't just abandon that. And I want to know what has happened to Sydney, but I'm almost afraid to ask. So I turn to Kate, and I hear myself saying, "Take me back home."

She smiles, "I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you choose to make this easy. Just close you eyes, and open them when I tell you. You'll open your eyes to find yourself alone and back in your home, to a Sydney, and hopefully you will give her a nice Christmas gift. Got it?"

"Got it." I begin to close my eyes. That's when I see him, just as my lids are cutting me off from the view of the surreal graveyard.

It's a man, leaning over a grave I've visited already tonight. My mother's.

He's an older man, maybe a little older than Jack. His hair is silver and I see only the side of his face, but I know right away.

I hear Kate mutter something that doesn't sound like a very heavenly word as my feet begin an almost involuntary journey towards him.

"Ex...excuse me?" I speak softly, and he looks up. There are the eyes. The eyes I see in the mirror every morning. "Dad," I whisper, and I'm not sure if he hears, but his surprised and dazed expression would suggest so.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"I...no. I'm sorry, I don't think you do. I must have mistaken you for someone else."

William nods.

"She was your wife?"

"She was."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you. You seem truly pained yourself. You have lost someone too, son?"

I start at the three letter word. I know he doesn't mean it literally. He couldn't possibly mean it literally. But I feel my eyes asking for permission to cry, and I bite the tears back.

Remembering that he had asked a question, I smile ruefully and chuckle sadly.

"You really loved her?" William observes.

"More than anything."

William nods towards the grave. "I loved my wife deeply; I would have done anything for her. I would have gone to hell and back for her. All I can tell you is... the pain won't go away. There's no way to end it. But if you ever find a way to capture even the slightest bit of her again... you have to do it, no matter the circumstances. Remember this, son… love, true love… it's not something that buries itself with the body."

I nod, still in disbelief that I am here, talking to my father about Sydney, a concept I have longed for since I met her. Though it is not exactly the conversation I had imagined, I can't help but be filled with a sense of wonder and satisfaction… and, at a sudden realization, a sense of dread and horror.

Going back will leave my father dead again. How can I do that to him, to myself? How can I deny myself the chance to have a real relationship with my father? To talk to him in person instead of at a gravesite? To hear his voice in my ears instead of in my head, spoken through the now memorized words of a yellowing leather journal?

But… at the cost of my mother, and my friends?

And now I know, only one thing and one thing only can make my decision final. Nothing but this can settle my mind.

"Thank you," I say to my father.

I take a deep breath, calming my beating heart, and rejoin Kate. "I need to see what has happened to Sydney."

_TBC_…


	6. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**Chapter Six-- "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" **

Kate turns away from me and paces. I repeat my question, "What happened to Syd?" I have to know. Because, if she is okay, then it's not worth it. If she's okay, and happy, and at peace, there is no way I'm forcing her to return to the dark, confused, hell-bent life she is living in the real world.

Kate mutters to herself, talking to an invisible friend, before sighing and saying, "I shouldn't show you this, but, it wouldn't realize the graveness of the situation otherwise."

My stomach lurches. _Oh god_. "Where. Is. She?"

Her demeanor changes. No long is she that wise-cracking and snide Angel. Now, she... now she actually acts and sounds the part: "I will take you to her, but you have to follow my instructions to a T. No snide remarks. No bull-shitting. You listen to me, do you understand me?"

"I understand. Now take me to Sydney."

"Take my hand." I do so. "Don't let go." She says, and with her free hand she snaps her fingers once and suddenly Arlington disappears and we're in a long, dark hallway. It's freezing cold and anguished cries fill the air.

I don't know what I'm feeling, but I've never felt anything before it in my entire life all at once. It's what I felt when that black car pulled into my driveway when I was 8 years old, what I felt when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, what I felt the first time I killed another human in combat, what I felt as I watched the apartment go up in flames... all rolled into one, multiplied by a million, and driven into my heart with a jackhammer. "Where the hell are we?"

"Hell."

I don't question. I know it's the truth, as Kate said, there's no room for bullshitting here. I shudder all the way to my toes as the cry erupts again. I know that voice. "Oh my God. Sydney!"

She tightens her grip on my hand, "Michael. We have to go now. I showed you were Sydney was, but you can't stay here."

"No. Kate. She... that..." Another cry. My heart clenches tighter. My lungs take almost nothing in. "How?"

"She committed the one sin you don't commit nor receive any forgiveness for."

"Kate, don't give me that god damned ambiguity!" My words have backfired. Everything is damned here. "Tell me why she's here, tell me exactly what happened."

"She killed herself. Shortly after her father died. She hated her life; she hated herself; she hated her role in SD-6 and in the CIA. She wanted a way out, so she mixed a bottle of painkillers with a bottle of Asbolut and got herself a once way ticket to hell; and not only is she in Hell, Michael, but this hallway that never ends is filled with doors to individuals, locked in their own personal hell, reliving their worst nightmares and the reason they ended up here in the first place. Special treatment for the Suicidials.

"Oh my God." No other words enter my mind. "Oh my God." I pause, I breathe. "Can I... can I see her?"

"Do you really want too?"

"No. I have to."

Kate lowers her head and leads me down the hallway. The screams ring in my ears. We walk what seems like forever unlike she stops at a door. I know, this is Sydney's door. She opens the door, "You have five minutes. After that, I'm coming in and taking you back to Arlington. Listen to me...." Her voice trails off. "Just... use it wisely." She pushes me in and shuts the door. And before I know it I'm in a ransacked apartment and I hear her crying.

I walk quietly as I can towards the muffled sobs; they are coming from what seems to be a bathroom. I step over the mess of the room and find it. I push the door open quietly.

And then I see it. Sydney crying over Danny's dead body in the bathtub. I've imagined this moment once or twice before, but never like this. The blood is everywhere. The room smells of rotting flesh and blood; her hair is clotted and sticky with blood; and her hands are solid red. She screams as loud and as long as her lungs allow; and then she screams more. I take a step forward and say, "Syd?"

She turns to me and stops crying, just for a moment. She stares at me for a full thirty seconds before attacking. "Did you do this? You did this!! Who are you? Did you do this? You killed him!"

I hold my arms over my face, my body automatically defending from her lunge. "Sydney! Syd! SYD! I DIDN'T DO THIS! SYD!"

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"My name is Michael Vaughn! I... I..." I stop. What am I supposed to tell her?

"_Who are you?_"

_  
_"I..." I search my head for a way to explain and come up empty. It's my heart that answers, "Do you believe in Guardian Angels?"

"No" She says, letting go off me and falling onto the ground, hugging her knees. "No... There is no God here.... I...." She doesn't have the strength to speak, she starts to cry.

In all the time that I've known Sydney Bristow, I have never seen her like this. That night in Hong Kong doesn't even begin to compare to her hysterics now, her lack of strength. I've never seen her so weak, so desperate. It's physically paining. Each breath I take is like a pound of exploding C4 in my chest._  
_  
I want to reach out and put my arms around her, comfort her. But I don't know how she'd react and I don't want to risk her disappearing.

I don't want to frighten her, but my heart can't bear witness to this any longer. If it tears any further it will snap into two. I walk over to hear as carefully as I would walk over a maze of laser alarms, and kneel before her shaking form. Even more cautiously, I reach out and take her bloodied hand in my own, ignoring the stain it creates on my white sleeve. "I'm going to help you, Syd."

I lean in and she flings herself against me. She cries, "Please, pleases I can't get out. I need to go get help... there are people dying here, and I can't help them. Everyone is dying and I want it to stop, you have to make it stop, please make it stop, please save them, please help me save them, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do... I...." She cries harder.

I allow her to sob into my shoulder and I gently smooth my hand through her tangled hair. I'm vaguely aware that I am whispering something into her ear but I'm not quite sure what it is. An endless string of apologies, maybe. "I'm going to get you out of here, Sydney."

She takes my head and gets up, she pulls me into the kitchen. There's more blood, and I see two dead bodies: Francie, with her chest full of bullets and Weiss on the dining room table, with an ice pick through his heart. "Please, I need to call an ambulance, but the lines are down and I don't have any rags or linen to wash their wounds, there's no water or food, and I am so hungry and so tired, but I can't sleep because they keep calling out for me to save them. You have to help me save them. Please, they are still alive, but just barely."

She pulls me over to Weiss, and I see he is still moving. "Please, help me."

My heart wrenches further at seeing my best friend, along with Sydney's, struggling eternally for their lives. I squeeze her hand harder and lace our fingers together. "I can get you all out of here."

"How?" Her eyebrows crinkle in that way which kills me.

How? "Just trust me. Do you trust me?"

"You don't deserve my trust! I don't know who you are? You'll leave, just like the rest of them. They all leave me. Everyone lies to me, and I believe them, and they lie to me, and use me. And then they die. And I'm left alone again. And I want it all to stop. But, there's nothing sharp, no food, no poison, no pills. Nothing to ease my pain. So, who the fck do you think you are, to come in here and tell me to trust you. I trust everyone and look what it got me. So, I need you to HELP me. HELP me with actions, not with fcking promises. Please, help me, save me; help me get out of here."

I let go of her hand and move mine to her tear swollen cheek. "I can do that."

"Then do it. Do it NOW." She says.

"Ok..." I pause. "But I'm going to have to leave you to do it."

"No...." She screams at me. "No!" She pushes me the ground. "No, you promised! You promised you wouldn't be like the rest of them and leave me! You can't leave me! Please...." And with that, she collapses onto me and starts to cry once more.

"Syd, I swear, you'll see me again... very soon... I promise. But right now, if you want to get out of here, I... I need to leave...." I realize that even with the knowledge that Kate will bring me right back to the world where Sydney is alive and (physically) well that I had left her in, it will still be nearly impossible for me to leave her now, in this state, as she clings to me as though she has never felt compassion before.

"No. I don't want you to go."

"I... I don't want to leave you, Syd. But I have to get you out of here."

"Then take me with you. Don't leave me, let me come with you."

How the... how the here do I explain this? "You will be. I'll leave, and then you'll be with me."

"Stay."

"...I can't, Syd." I say gently as I let my fingers travel down her cheek. "But I am not abandoning you, I promise."

"Yes you are! You lying bastard!" She says these hateful things to me, yet clings to me tighter than before.

I return the gesture firmly and don't reply to her accusations. I simply sit with her on the sticky, blood stained floor, rocking her as soothingly as I can in my arms. Hoping I'm not overstepping my fragile boundaries, I slowly lean down and press my lips to her damp forehead. "It'll be okay, I promise," I assure her as I move away. "I'm not going to leave you anymore."

"Time to go." Kate appears in the kitchen. She doesn't say anymore.

"Go? WHO THE FCK ARE YOU?" Sydney screams at Kate, who just ignores her.

"Now, Vaughn."

"No.... Vaughn...." She says my name in a way I know I can't resist. "No don't leave me. You promised me you wouldn't!"

I look up at Kate over Sydney's shoulder, keeping my arms securely wrapped around her. I back away just enough to see Sydney's broken, bloodied face. She stares back into my eyes and I swear, for a moment, I can see a glint of the look she used to send to me during every warehouse meeting, every debrief, each time we parted after a kiss.

I swear, through the glimmer of unfallen tears and the desperation and the horror and sorrow and pain... I can see hope. I can see her counting on me, depending on me to be there for her, to protect her, to be the ally I promised I would be.

I can see love.

And suddenly, nothing has ever been more clear to me in my life. "No," I tell Kate, my gaze still unwavering from Sydney's. "I'm not leaving."

Sydney actually smiles and I feel my eyes starting to tear up too. She hugs me harder and I kiss her forehead and push the hair out of her face.

Kate stares at me, as if she excepted this, but didn't prepare for it. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not leaving," I repeat. "She needs me and I can't leave her. Not like this. Not this time."

"Vaughn, this isn't real. This is what would happen to her without you. But, she is still living: you have to leave her now. You can't stay, you have no idea what you're doing!"

"I know exactly what I'm doing!" I exclaim. "And this is real. This is very real. In that other world, the one you want me to return to... she needed me. She woke up in hell and all she needed to save her was me. She needed my hand, she needed me to be her solace like I always had been. And I... I abandoned her. I wasn't there for her. I let her down and left her to deal with her horror and confusion and anger by herself."

I look down at Sydney again. She looks confused but doesn't say anything. I continue to stroke her hair and speak again to Kate. "That's not going to happen this time. I'm going to stay here for her and help her deal with this. Because I am her ally, and her constant. Because I'm her Soul Mate, Kate, and it's what I was put on this earth to do."

For a moment, I only hear my breathing as I realize exactly what I have just done. Kate is staring at me, blue eyes wide. Then, slowly, very slowly…she smiles -- the one I don't trust. Then, she snaps her fingers, and everything is gone again.


	7. Joy to the World

**Chapter Seven- Joy to the World (The Bitch is Gone) ;-) **

I blink.

I blink again.

The scene around me doesn't change. I smell the old, cracked leather behind me and feel the cool twinge of abandonment and reminiscence in the air.

"Kate...?" I call out slowly, unsure of her presence, or existence, for that matter.

"Yah, Hun."

"What the hell just happened?"

"You had an Epiphany."

"An epiphany."

"In the truest and oldest sense of the word."

After a short inner debate, I decide against playing stupid. "This whole thing had nothing to do with my half assed 'wish to not exist,' did it?"

"Nun-uh." She shook her head and smiled

"And if I hadn't managed to have my 'Epiphany'?"

"Oh, C'mon!" She struts up to him, crosses her arms and get in his face. "You're not that thick. Don't even pretend to be that thick or stupid. You use to be fun, just remember that."

I manage a weak but genuine smile at this. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm an Angel, and a damn good one."

I laugh a little, unable to help the feeling swelling inside me that a huge weight is about to lift, and something good is finally going to happen. "So, what am I supposed to do now? You go back off to...." I look up towards the ceiling, "And I just, stay and...."

She scoffs, "Maybe you are as stupid as you look. You were willing to spend an eternity in Hell with your Soul Mate, yet back on Earth you are asking me what to do? This is where you go get the girl! I can get you a white horse if you really want to make a production about it, but go, quick like a bunny, go!"

"I'm still legally married, Katherine! Isn't that frowned upon where you come from?"

"I told you before, you dimwit! All marriages are blessed by The Boss and if it's not the big Book, they weren't Blessed and aren't legit as far as we're concerned! Plus, I'll talk to him for you, Okay. We're not going to send you to Hell because he was smoking crack with Lucifer again and decided to fck with your destiny. We screwed up -- you and Sydney were suppose to have Rambaldi to deal with, not that --" she stumbles over the word "-- her. Seriously, Hun. Stop being rational and follow your heart. Be spontaneous and crazy and unsafe. Run into your house and kiss her under the mistletoe as Lauren watches. Be bold!"

I laugh and shake my head. "I think maybe I'll do... some variety of that."

"Of course you will, now, I have something for you." She has a naughty look in her eye and smiles.

I eye her suspiciously, slightly concerned. "...What?"

"I did a little bit of Christmas shopping for you." She holds outs both of her hands and two presents appear. In her left hand, it's a small jewelry box, something a bracelet would come in. And in her right hand is a dangles a blue bag with snowmen, which looks exactly like....

No. It can't be. It's impossible. But then... so is everything else that has happened tonight.  
"That's... is that..."

"Fire doesn't destroy everything. And if she asks, tell her you found it in the rubble -- which is the truth, because we are technically standing in the rubble. And this" -- she shakes the wrapped box. "Is the card to the best divorce lawyer in Los Angeles. And... he's already working on your case. Tell him Kate sent you." She winks.

I take both gifts in my hands, holding the handles of the bag tightly, afraid that the slightest movement will break its already tattered skeleton. It's been almost four years, but I can remember the feel of my fingers running over the engraved designs as I had first picked it up in that dusty antique store. I can see the dim silver glint as I had slid it into the smiling snowmen bag. For a moment, my words are trapped. "...Thank you."

"You're welcome, Hun. I polished it up a little and mended the glass, but it's the same glass and the same picture. Now, this time I'm not lying. If you walk right through the office door, it will lead you back to bedroom."

I nod. "Ok." I begin to walk towards the battered door for the second time tonight. Before reaching it, I turn back around. "Thanks again, Kate. For everything." I smile. "Merry Christmas."

She follows me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "No... go make it merry." She turns to leave, "Oh," she spins around in her flippant manner. "Kate, it's a good name. You know, lots of strong woman were named Kate. Just, something for you to think of... you might need to think about sooner than you think. Merry Christmas, Hun." And with that she walks away and disappears.

Still smiling, I place my hand on the knob and, taking a deep breath, I turn it and open the door. A breeze flutters past my face as I shut my eyes and step inside, finally ready to confront the life on the other side.

**Next chapter:  
**

I push through the clothes and emerge in my bedroom again. This time, every bit is exactly the way it was before I'd left. I clutch the gifts in my hands, and step carefully out to my doorframe. I don't hear Sydney, or Lauren for that matter. I check the clock next to my bed. It's two hours after I had initially left.

I leave the room and find Lauren sitting on the couch watching a holiday movie on TV, I don't bother to notice which. "Hi."

"Hi. When did you get back?"

"A couple minutes ago. I came back in through the back door," I pause, "Where's Sydney?"

"She went home. Said to tell you merry Christmas and thanks for having her."  
I nod. The small box in my left hand is burning blisters into my skin. For a couple of seconds, we just stare at each other.

"What's that?"

I put down the blue bag on the chair behind me and grip the box more tightly. "I... um... it's your... your Christmas gift." I manage to confess as I slowly hand it out to her.

She smiles, "Let me get yours..." She gets up, but I put my hand on her arm. I have to end this now.

"No."

She looks at my queer, and takes the box. She unwraps it, opens the box, and lifts the cards from it. She drops box. I hold in my breath, waiting for her response. "I never knew you were this... creative."

"I'm sorry, Lauren," it's a half-lie, but she at least deserves the courtesy. "I just can't live this way anymore."

"And you thought..... Merry Christmas, I want a divorce? You.... So that's it? Not even a separation? You want a divorce?"

"A separation would only be a longer process to inevitably reach the same conclusion."

"Because you're still in love with that... little bitch."

She rises from the couch and I glare at her with eyes I haven't felt myself glare with since I was told two years ago that no further searches for Sydney were being sanctioned. "Lauren, I understand what this must be like for you," I tell her honestly, "But never use a term like that to describe Sydney in my presence. EVER."

"I'm sorry, you're right, that was uncalled for. I should have said... I should have said that little slut, or maybe whore, or cunt. I am you wife, you ungrateful bastard. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"In a way I guess I deserved that. But she does not. Lauren, this situation is not fair to anyone, but it's certainly not fair or acceptable to speak of Sydney that way, and there's no way in hell I'll tolerate it. You helped me through a rough time, I'm grateful to you for that, I'm sorry things turned out this way... but this is just how it has to be. And if you're unable to discuss anything further like a mature adult, and you're going to insult Sydney so harshly, I suggest you get out of this house."

"No. If you want to be with her, then you leave. Go crawling back to her like the dog you are."

I nod. "Have a good Christmas, Lauren. We'll talk later."

I leave the house, not looking back. What's ahead is much more appealing.


	8. All I Want For Christmas

**A/N: Wow, totally didn't realize I never uploaded this chapter. So for those of you who remember this fic, enjoy! lol**

**Chapter Eight, aka The Much Awaited Reunion- "All I Want For Christmas"**

I knock on the door and am glad that Christmas does not mean snow in LA, because she doesn't open it right away. "Vaughn? What are you doing here?"

"I… can I come in?"

She's confused, but nods and opens the door wider for me. "Yes… of course."

I step inside and smile at the instant sight of a brightly decorated, two-foot Christmas tree on the table by her couch. It's not large, but it's very Sydney.

Neither of us has found anything to say yet, and I notice she has music playing lightly from the stereo in the corner of the room.

…_Pretty lights on the tree _

_I'm watching 'em shine _

_You should be here with me _

_Baby please come home… _

I smile, recognizing the tune instantly. "U2?"

She shrugs sheepishly. "Do any other Christmas songs exist?"

"You make a fantastic point."

She gives me a genuine smile, but the short-lived conversation dies again quickly and once again, I only hear the melody filling the silence.

…_They're singing deck the halls _

_But it's not like Christmas at all _

_I remember when you were here _

_And all the fun we had last year…_

I think we both realize that the words hit slightly too close to home, because she becomes suddenly uncomfortable. "Um, let me go turn that off…."

…_If there was a way _

_I'd hold back these tears _

_But it's Christmas day _

_Baby please come home _

_Ohh... _

Click. Bono is replaced by silence again. I think I had much preferred Bono.

After a moment, I remember the gift bag in my hand. "Oh, here… Merry Christmas."

Her eyes flash with immediate recognition. "What's that? Is that..."

"Is that what?" I ask innocently.

She shakes it off. "Nothing..."

"Open it." I push the present towards her. She takes the wrapped frame out of the bag and looks at it; awe fills her face, no it couldn't be...

"Vaughn, is this…?"

I smile. "But," she rips away the tissue to reveal the frame. "I thought this was destroyed."

"Fire doesn't destroy everything."

Sydney pits her hand on the frame and starts to softly cry; she has no words. "How..." Her mouth falls agape.

"Well, I was in this antique shop..."

Sydney bursts out weeping. I more towards her, and wrap her in my arms. She cries harder. "What were you doing an antique shop..."

I chuckle slightly into her hair, feeling the tears beginning to gather in my own eyes. "I don't know..."

"You had this, all this time?"

"I found it in the rubble..." I tell her, remembering Kate's words. "I thought you'd like to have it back."

"I do."

I pull away slowly to look at her. "Syd?"

"Vaughn."

"We need to talk."

She nods. "Yeah."

I take her hand gently and lead her to the couch. For a moment, we just sit in silence, unsure of how to begin. Taking a risk, I slowly wrap an arm around her shoulders. Much to my relief and satisfaction, it takes only a few seconds before she rests her head lightly on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry... I'm just sorry," she whispers.

"Me too... Syd, I am so sorry. For everything I put you through. I... God, I can't even put into words how sorry I am. I'm praying you'll forgive me... I understand if you can't, because I don't think I can ever even forgive myself..." Damnit, I promised myself I wouldn't be cliché.

"Stop, please. It's my fault too. I was the one that... died. When I screamed at you at the hospital, said I would have waited, I... I didn't know what I was saying. I was so distraught and confused, and there you were -- married, and I didn't understand how. You were mine just before, it seemed like hours before were going to go to Santa Barbara, and then you're married? I... wasn't thinking when I said those things to you; I wasn't thinking that you spent two years thinking I was dead; or what that might have possibly been like for you. All I knew was I loved you so much and you were married and I'd had two years stolen. I was thinking about me, not about you. And I do forgive you. And I hope you can forgive me, for saying waiting for you would have been a mistake. Because, it would've have been. It wouldn't be." She looks away from me, back to the frame again.

"Syd... I swear to you, you have nothing to apologize for. I forgave you for what you said before you'd even said it. I mean... you've been through so much, Sydney. And you have every right to say the things you said," I assure her, moving slightly closer. "But none of it matters now... She doesn't have to be between us anymore."

A tear escapes from Sydney's eye. "Vaughn, this is real right?"

I smile and can't restrain my index finger from sweeping across her cheek to erase the tearstain. "It's real," I answer softly.

"Because I can't deal with this being another dream, I can't wake up to the hellish reality of not having you."

My heart jumps at her choice of words, and for a moment, I swear she knows everything that happened. But that's impossible. "It's... it's not. At this point, Syd, you'd have me even if you did wake up in Hell."

Sydney smiles and wipes her eyes. "I doubt that."

"If only you knew..." I mutter.

"Knew what?"

I can't keep this from her forever, I know I can't. Not with the knowledge that she had gone through it too. But I don't feel ready yet. It's insane, even to me. "Nothing. Just that, I would go that far to be with you, Syd. I would, and nothing is going to disprove that again. I promise."

She lifts up her head and stares at me. "Nothing means something."

"No, Syd, it's..."

"It's what?"

"Ok, Syd, this is going to sound... insane... but I can't lie to you..."

"It couldn't be anything more insane than these past few months."

"Do you believe in God?" I blurt, not wanting to waste time.

Sydney takes a moment, "Yes. Do you?"

"I... I do now."

"Why?"

"Tonight... when I went out for a walk, I... I ended up at the train station."

"It burned down, right?"

"Yeah, yeah it did. But our seats were still there. And I just sat there, and I started to think. And while I was thinking, this thought struck my mind... that maybe... if I never existed... things would be better. And... then, she came."

This is it, the test. If this has really happened to her, it will all be clear now. I take a deep breath. "Kate."

Her eyes widen. "What did you try to do at the train station!" Sydney's voice oozes concern; she knows exactly who and what I am talking about

"Don't worry," I say quickly. "Not what you tried to do at the pier three years ago."

"Then why did she show up... And how do you know about that?"

"I didn't try to do it. That doesn't mean I didn't want to," I explain, looking hard at her, "And it didn't take long for me to realize you'd gone through it too. Kate didn't make it hard to figure out. God, Syd, how could you have even thought about that! Why didn't you come to me?"

"You were with Alice."

"Screw Alice! Sydney, you tried to kill yourself! Don't you realize I would have left Alice a hundred times if I thought it would have made you walk even a centimeter away from that rail!" I exclaim. The last thing I want to do is sound angry with her, but I have to make her understand. "Sydney, you are the most important person in the world to me. Never doubt that. And _never_ think that I would even so much as hesitate to be there for you, no matter what, or who, else is happening in my life."

"Then why weren't you there for me in these past few months?"

I freeze. "I... I didn't think you wanted me to be... and... I know that's not an excuse. I should have known you wanted me there, I should have felt it like I used to, I should have been there for you and, you're right, I wasn't. And I'll never forgive myself for it. I was so worried about morals, and righteousness, and loyalty, that I couldn't make myself see that I was already defying all those things by leaving you alone when you needed me the most. I'm so sorry."

"Vaughn..."

I look at her and take her hand, hoping it's not too much, wanting her to say whatever it is that's on her mind.

Insisted of talking, Sydney moves closer to me. Before I realize what is happening, she leads in and kisses me.

All I can think is 'finally.' Finally, finally, finally... thank you Kate... thank you thank you thank you thank you...

Slowly, we separate, and she falls into my arms and I feel her trying to muffle her tears in my shoulder. "God, I've missed you, Syd. I'm so sorry."

"I've missed you too. Vaughn, I..." Sydney stops, then says it. "I love you. So much. Losing you felt like I lost... my soul. Really, after I learned the truth about my life, after you came into it I felt like I lost the ability to go on alone. I need you."I hug her closer. "I love you too, Syd. I'm sorry I've never told you. But I love you, so much... so much that I'm not even going to attempt to tell you with a clichéd speech, because it still won't work. When you died, I lost my soul too. You are my soul, my Soul Mate. I can't exist with out you; I can't believe I was ever so naive as to think I could even try."

"Vaughn..." Sydney closes her eyes and rests against me for a long while, not speaking.

As we separate slowly, recreating distance between us, a sudden thought strikes me and I chuckle. "So do you think angels can receive fruit baskets? We definitely owe her."

"I think she'd prefer a good bottle of wine." Sydney meekly smiles.

"Or a leather bound biography of John Adams," I mutter, mostly to myself.

"What...?"

"She has a bit of an obsession with our second president, and his relationship with his wife, for that matter."

"I love Abigail, although history seems to misunderstand her... she actually wasn't really a feminist at all, she was just devoted to John and demanded respect."

"Great, you and Kate can form a committee," I joke. Then I pause. Sydney should know the rest, shouldn't she? "There was another reason she's such a fan of theirs, you know."

"She liked the fact he made principled and unpopular decisions for the greater good, and Abigail usually thought up of half of them?"

I laugh, then stop as I look her straight in the eye, preparing myself for what I'm about to explain, what I have just accepted myself. "Kate explained something to me. John and Abigail were... well, they were Soul Mates. Real Soul Mates. Not the Hallmark card, conversation hearts portrayal..." I go on to explain the concept as Kate had told it to me, leaving off with, "...there's only one pair for every generation. When that pair dies, the next is born. One pair." I grasp her hands and stare into her eyes again, sure she understands what I am telling her without my saying it straight out

As her smile grows, I see that she does. "Really?" she says, a little giddily.

I grin at her reaction, glad she has believed it more easily than I had. "Really. We're Soul Mates, Syd. The real, true thing. We belong together more than any other two people on the planet, and from now until the day we die... as long as we're together... everything is right in the universe."

"Wow..." she mutters in a heavy sigh, "But… then... why did the past two years happen? Wouldn't He want order?"

"Apparently this is order," I explain ruefully. "Each pair of Soul Mates is blessed with divine happiness, but only after they endure possibly years of arduous obstacles. 'Everything must be at a balance.'"

"He really hated us, didn't he? Past history couldn't be enough. I mean, couldn't we just have fought over the car payments?"

I laugh. "Would have been nice, wouldn't it."

"Yes, it would."

"But then we wouldn't have gotten to reunite like this."

Sydney nods.

As if to further prove my words, I lean forward and kiss her again. "So..."

"So..." She smiles.

"So where do you want to go from here?" I ask carefully as I bring my hand to her face to lightly brush her cheek.

She lifts her hand to mine and entwines our fingers. "It doesn't matter. We'll be going there together."

I smile and kiss her again, slow and soft and wonderful. "Merry Christmas, Syd."

"Merry Christmas, Vaughn."

So, the past months have not been the finest of my life. Shit happened. People fought, people died… people came back from the dead. Sydney and I have both gone to hell and back, literally and figuratively. But now, her lips are on mine and we are Soul Mates and I love her and she loves me. As we always do and always will, we have found each other.

And with this knowledge, I realize something amazing and true and right there in front of me the whole time.

It is one hell of a wonderful life.

_C'est Fini._

A/N: Well… this has been such a fun ride. Can't believe I finally finished. Lol. Who knows, maybe I'll write another for season four, or maybe I should write Kate's back-story. Though, I think Pennylane might be a better person for that job. :wink, wink:

So, thank you sooo much to all those who read both stories, or even just one of them. You guys have rocked the whole way. :-) And, a very very very very very special thank you to PENNY for allowing me to base the character of Kate off of her, and for all the help in writing the character and the help with the plots of both stories in general. YOU'RE AWESOME, HUN!

And, finally, I want to take a second to be cheesy and wish everyone a Happy Holiday and a wonderful New Year. :-D

Dani


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